


Patriot Of My Heart

by WindMeister8



Series: Iron Will [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Discrimination, Elections, F/M, Journalist, Multi, Political Campaigns, Race, Riots, racial issues, racial riot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 16:44:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4187301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindMeister8/pseuds/WindMeister8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on true incidents.</p><p>Two young lovers flee their country, which is filled with racial tensions and discrimination, in search of better prospects. But they are then torn apart when one of them decides to return to contribute back to his country. What will happen during the elections when mounting racial tensions erupt violently?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patriot Of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zVKUOsUgMQ))**

You grabbed a sandwich from your refrigerator and rushed to your seat in front of the blinking monitor screen. The speakers blared with the voice of a reporter covering the recent news. A multitude of windows were open, covering your 27-inch screen without an inch left to spare. Your eyes darted from one window to another, checking the stream of updates that were flowing in real time. Subconsciously, you munched on your sandwich, your jaws working automatically, not really savoring the taste but just trying to get something into your system to get your gears turning. 

You were done with the sandwich in minutes and dropped the wrapping into the dustbin, your eyes never leaving the screen. Suddenly, you perked up as you caught a few keywords flash by your screen. Your hands raced across the keyboard, checking on the latest tallies. It was a close fight between the two parties but the Opposition party seemed to be leading now.

Turning back towards the video, you listened closely to the reporter.

_“I’m standing outside the Grand Hall where everyone is tallying the votes now. This is a historic event for the country of Ansia. The Opposition party, which is similar in composition to the Governing party with a mix of both Ansins and Renkers, came out strong in their campaign, vowing to eradicate discrimination against the minority Renker race. It has been written in the law since 2060 when the country was first founded, that the Ansins would be given preferential treatment as they were economically poorer than their Renker counterpart. However, as the Governing party continued their reign, the law has been flouted many times, giving rise to severe discrimination and hatred between the two races.”_

_“Now, back to the current election… If you remember, three years ago, a similar situation occurred where the Opposition party almost won the election. The Governing party had won by a slim margin of 6,000 votes.”_

You gritted your teeth in anger as you remembered that day, three years ago.  
_  
“… Tensions between the two races had escalated and the ethnic majority Ansins led a riot that resulted in 1,000 Renkers deaths and thousands more injured across the country. Powerful Renker figures were also affected and in some cases, killed. One such figure was Erwin Smith – “_

Your breath hitched in your throat as you heard that name. The sandwich that you had just ate threatened to exit your body the same way it had entered.

_“… journalist and writer of the famous book “Societal Problems Within Ansia” which talked about the racial tensions between Ansins and Renkers. During the riots, several Ansins targeted his house and killed him in his bedroom. However, the culprits were given a lenient 5 month jail sentence which received public outcry from all over the world.”_

Lowering the volume on your speakers, you blinked back tears and continued reading the news, not wanting to hear anymore lest it break the dam of emotions that you had pent up in your body all these years. 

It was another 30 minutes before the tallying was over. You were on the edge of your seat, your sweaty palms clutching the mouse for dear life, waiting for them to break the news of the results. Your speaker volume was back on high and the stream of news had stopped, all waiting for that one word.

All of a sudden, the windows on your screen exploded with tons of updates and the reporter jabbered excitedly but all you needed to catch were two words.

**Opposition. Won.**

Your legs gave out and you slipped to the floor in an unlady-like fashion. Ignoring the sudden pain in your bottom, you brought your trembling hands to your face as you started to sob. The flood gates had opened and your tears poured out with no end. In between your sobs, you whispered softly to yourself.

“We did it…. Erwin.”

* * *

“I can’t do this with you, Erwin,” you said as you stared in open anger and frustration at your lover, arms crossed over your chest.

Erwin let out a deep sigh, his sea-blue eyes studying you. “I thought you were always supportive of my work, (F/N).”

You clicked your tongue in annoyance, crossing your legs and draping your arm over the kitchen chair, trying to assert your dominance. “Don’t try to guilt-trip me. I can’t believe you would willingly go back to that god-forsaken country. We are Renkers, remember? Why do you think our parents sent us off at a young age? You want to waste all their efforts in getting you out?”

“Well, I think we have already fulfilled their wishes by succeeding in our careers. Don’t you think it’s time to help out our country now that we’re financially independent?” he argued in an even and calm manner.

“Aren’t we already helping out? You’ve been continuously writing articles about Ansia to garner more aid from the other nations!” you pointed out, jabbing a finger at him.

Erwin shook his head in disagreement. “We’ve been doing what we can from afar. But now, our country needs us. The election is coming and – “

You slammed a fist into the table. “And what has our country ever done for us?” you hissed.

Erwin reached out to cup your fist in his large hands but you slapped his hand away. Pushing your chair back, you stood up, your hands clenched at your sides. 

“You want to go back to Ansin, then go ahead. I’m not,” you declared firmly.

Erwin’s gaze remained on the table top, where your fist had previously rested. “What about us?” he asked quietly.

“Well, it would be a long-distance type of relationship, so- “

“We’re breaking up… right?” Erwin interrupted.

Your eyes snapped back to his face, shocked by how easily he had brought up the subject. He was now looking straight into your eyes, not a sliver of emotion decipherable from his expression. But you knew he was serious about it – he was never one to joke about such an important issue. You felt hurt by the sudden suggestion. You had thought that he would try to persuade you or find a solution to the distance separating the two of you or just… try to keep you by his side. But deep down in your heart, you knew it wouldn’t work out. The distance would slowly cause the two of you to drift apart; calls and messages wouldn’t be able to replace physical intimacy. That was the cruel reality. You didn’t believe in the proverb “Absence makes your heart grow fonder”. 

Still, you felt your eyes sting with hurt and you blinked your eyes, turning away from him so as to hide your tears.

“Yes, we are,” you answered reluctantly.

 

The next few weeks were a blur; you hardly saw much of Erwin and you went about your usual business in a robotic manner. Soon, it was time to send him off at the airport – but as a friend, not a lover. It pained you when you realized the capacity in which you were seeing him off. The atmosphere was incredibly awkward and you didn’t know how to react, let alone utter any last words to the man you loved. In the end, you shook his hand and mustered a smile, wishing him well. His grip on your hand lingered a little longer before he finally let go, his back disappearing into the crowd of people, vanishing from your life. Just like that.

The first month felt so surreal to you. Previously, you could still feel his presence despite the fact that you weren’t seeing him. But now that he was in a country half way across the world, you realized he was no longer here, no longer part of your life. You drowned yourself in work, leaving yourself no time to think about the past, no time to reflect on past mistakes and certainly no time to wonder how Erwin was doing.

Slowly but surely, you managed to cope with the loss of Erwin and started to regain your life back. Within a year, you found yourself another boyfriend who was sweet and kind. He was decent but a part of you felt he could not compare to Erwin. You also heard through word of mouth that Erwin himself had found another girlfriend in Ansia – some energetic, brilliant girl who was the daughter of a newspaper publisher. Chuckling to yourself, you figured it was Erwin’s personality to make such a calculated decision.

Life seemed pretty normal until the elections in Ansia started. By that time, Erwin had published his bestseller book and was involved with many of the Opposition party’s campaigns. He was one of the key Renker figures who many people looked up to and he even had several interviews with newspapers and magazines from other parts of the world. When the Opposition party held their election talks, a lot of Renkers and Ansins were equally swayed by their promises of eradicating discrimination yet maintaining some benign form of quota systems. 

You followed the news of the elections keenly, anxious and fearful as to what would happen to your country as well as your loved ones. Tensions between the two races began to build towards the end of the campaigning and you had quickly warned your parents to leave the country for a short while until the results had come out. You debated with yourself as to whether you should also contact Erwin. Finally, your concern won over your pride and you hurriedly sent an email to him, asking about his welfare and suggesting that he should also leave – just for a short period of time. His reply was formal and business-like, thanking you for your concern and suggestion but he was not going anywhere and neither was his fiancée. 

Leaving it at that, you went on with your life, praying that nothing would happen and that you were just being too paranoid. Finally, the day came to announce the results. You were glued to your monitor screen, mumbling your prayers and rubbing your clammy hands together. When it was declared that the Governing party had won, you actually breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that the wrath of the Ansins would be subdued with the results. Turning off your computer, you had slipped into deep slumber.

The very next day, you woke up and went about turning on your computer and checking the news. The headlines flashed “Riots in Ansia: 200 dead!”. You couldn’t believe your eyes and leafed through the updates that you had missed while sleeping peacefully in your bed. Your bottom lip trembled as you read about the riots that had occurred in retaliation for some small celebration that the Opposition party had led for winning more votes than had been expected. You reached for your phone and speed-dialed your parents who picked up at the first ring. They assured you that they were fine and would be staying with a friend in the neighboring country until things had died down at home.

When you hung up, you breathed a sigh of relief and then, a new headline caught your attention. You read it three times before the news had sunk in. Standing up shakily from your chair, you made your way to the couch and sank into the plush material. Lying down, you covered your eyes with your arm, trying to block out the words that swam in front of you. Still, the two words repeated itself over and over in your mind.

**Erwin. Killed.**

Finally, you began to weep, tears streaming down your face as you absorbed the meaning of those two words. Your heart ached as if it was being squeezed by an external force and your breath came out as sharp gasps of air. You realized how much you still loved Erwin despite the years and distance that had separated you from him. Being with another guy had not dulled the love you felt for him. It only made it deeper. 

And now, that one person who had made your heart flutter was now gone from this earth. Forever. It seemed like one of those bad dreams that you sometimes had where you would wake up in the middle of the night, crying hysterically. But at that time, Erwin was by your side, whispering a simple “It’s OK” in your ears and rubbing your back in a soothing rhythm, lulling you back to sleep in his warm embrace. 

As you started recalling those times, you curled into a ball, wishing that he was here to, once again, wrap you in his arms. But he was no longer here. 

_He’s no longer here._

How you got through that night was a mystery to you. You couldn’t recall anything other than the continuous crying. When you called up your company to take the next few days off, the operator even asked whether you were fine because your voice came out incredibly hoarse and listless. The next call was to your boyfriend – you told him the bare minimum amount of details and asked that he give you some private time to think about things. Being the sweet guy he was, he immediately agreed and told you to call him whenever you needed anything. 

Once that was done, you crawled off to bed and slept for the best part of the afternoon and evening. A hungry stomach awoke you and shuffling off to the kitchen, you wondered how it was that life goes on despite the loss of a loved one. You made yourself a bowl of cup noodles and hungrily dove into it, slurping the soup like someone who was starving for days.

After your growling stomach had been satisfied, you looked up from your bowl, taking a rest from the sudden gorging. Your eyes came to rest on the chair opposite you and your mind conjured up the image of Erwin sitting there, looking at you with those piercing blue eyes of his, a smile on his lips as he watched you eat in a very unlady-like manner.

You laughed softly at the thought of it but soon, the image was replaced by a serious Erwin who looked at you with an expression of sadness, guilt, and betrayal. Once again, you heard him uttering those words that would mean your break up. And then, you realized that the thing that caused your break up, that caused him to leave you, that caused him to die and be forever gone – was your country, Ansia. 

A sudden rage built up inside you and your trembling hand gripped the chopsticks with such strength that it snapped into two. If not for Ansia… if not for that sorry state of a country, if not for those damn politicians who sowed seeds of hatred in the people, if not for those disgusting laws, if not- 

Wait. 

Despite the plight of your country, many people hadn’t gone back to contribute their services – chief amongst them, you. Only idealistic people like Erwin had decided to return to serve their country. Which meant that the person to blame for all this…. was Erwin himself.

Your fury was now directed at Erwin – for deciding that Ansia was more important to him than you – and you flung your broken chopsticks at the empty chair. The chopsticks hit the wooden back of the chair and fell to the floor with a small clink. The boiling emotions in you hadn’t subsided and you tossed your empty bowl into the sink. Stomping over to the fridge, you yanked it open and pulled out a can of beer. You swiftly opened it and gulped down the liquid, feeling the bitterness warming up your body.

Before you decided to get reckless and break other things in your apartment, you strode over to your computer and turned it on, intending to keep yourself busy by first sending an email to your parents who were asleep. Chugging some more beer down, you opened your email inbox and were instantly flooded with tons of email from concerned friends. You barely glanced at them and moved your cursor over to the Compose button when one particular email caught your eye.

The sender was Hanji Zoe. Your eyes widened as you recognized the name of Erwin’s fiancée.

Hastily, you clicked the email.

 

_Hi (F/N),_

_I’m Erwin’s fiancée, or rather I should say I was his fiancée. I’m sure you’ve probably heard the news of Erwin’s passing by now. I wasn’t sure whether I should write to you especially since I know of your history with Erwin. I can only guess how much deeper your grief is as compared to mine. I’ve only known him for the past two years and have come to love him deeply. I can imagine how much more your love for him must be and how unbearable it was to part with him._

_The reason why I’m writing is because I think you need to know that Erwin had secretly written something for you in a document that he left on his laptop. I was going through his stuff to sort things out and found it. Please forgive me for reading it – I had to know who it was meant for._

_Attached with this email is the document. I hope this will somehow bring a little peace to your heart._

_May God bless us all through this journey._

_Yours sincerely,  
Hanji Zoe._

 

Your hands shook as you clicked on the attachment icon, bringing up the word document.

 

_My dear (F/N),_

_This is the 54th time I’m writing this letter because I couldn’t find the right words to say to you. I find it easier to write a bestseller than to write this letter. But anyway, here’s my best try._

_I’ve never regretted my decision to come back to Ansia. But the one regret that I have is not being able to convince you to follow me. It was my fault. At that time, you vehemently stated that you would not return. It hurt me that you had so quickly made up your mind without bothering to listen to my explanation. I thought then that we weren’t right for each other – that we were too different in thinking and it would drive us apart. Perhaps it was also my pride that got in the way. That’s why I had not tried to persuade you to see my cause._

_I see now that I was wrong. You were adamant not because we differed in thinking, but because you were afraid – afraid of change, afraid of returning to a country that had abandoned the Renkers, afraid of an unknown future. I should have reasoned with you, told you what I felt was necessary. But the past can’t be changed. So I can only write this letter to hopefully make amends by telling you my reasons and my hopes._

_You asked me, why us? Because I feel we’re one of the brightest minds and even if I do sound like I’m blowing my trumpet here, I think we ARE the best. If not us, then who else?_

_You asked me, what if it doesn’t change? At least we tried to make a difference. Sticking to the status quo changes nothing. If we want to do something about Ansia, we need to take a big risk._

_You asked me, what for? Because this is my dream. It’s my dream that when we identify ourselves as people of Ansia, we do that with pride. I know you do – not because you’re proud of Ansia but because you’re proud of what you have achieved despite your background. I want to change that. I want you to proudly declare that you’re from Ansia because it’s a great country. You may say it’s foolish but no matter what we say, Ansia is our home and nothing will change that fact. I want not only you to be proud of your home; I want our children to be proud of it too. That when people ask them, they will say they’re from Ansia and not from some other foreign country._

_That’s why I’ve decided to return – to make Ansia a place that you and our children can be proud of. Obviously, I’ve already failed in one aspect. But no matter. I hope that your children and mine will one day be able to live in Ansia happily, without discrimination._

_And before I sign off, I just want you to know that I will always love you. No matter who I’m with, no matter who you’re with. This will never change._

_God be with you, my dear seashell._

_From your ocean,_  
Erwin Smith.  


Tears had welled up in your eyes as you read Erwin’s letter. By the time you reached the last paragraph, your vision was so blurry that you had to squint to read it. The last two lines turned you into a complete utter mess. Ocean was your nickname for Erwin because his blue eyes reminded you of that. Erwin had playfully called you seashell because you could hear the sound of the ocean if you cupped a seashell close to your ear. Put together, it meant that he would always be with you. 

You thumped your chest repeatedly with a fist as you cried loudly. The guilt came crashing down on you like a tsunami. It was never Erwin’s fault, nor Ansia’s fault that everything had come to this. It had been yours and yours alone. If only you hadn’t been so stubborn that day and just listened to Erwin…. If only.

That day, you read Erwin’s letter over and over again until you had it memorized in your heart. You thought about his reasons, his dream. After considerable thought, you made up your mind. Erwin had died trying to make his dream a reality. It only made sense for you to take up his cause and see it to its completion; for your sake, for his sake, and for the future generation. 

Putting your plan to action, you made numerous calls. One to your boyfriend – to apologize and to break up. Next to the Ansia embassy. The list went on. Finally, you sent a reply to Hanji’s email, thanking her for sending Erwin’s letter to you and telling her of your future plans. Wiping your tear-stricken face, you put on a determined look. This was no time to be sitting here, dawdling away and mourning. You had things to do.

First on your list was to get yourself together – that meant cleaning yourself up as well as your apartment. While you hummed the tune that you and Erwin used to love, you took out your cleaning supplies, readying yourself for the big task at hand. The ping of an incoming email distracted you from your work and you glanced at the screen. It was a reply from Hanji.

Quickly, you scanned through the email, a smile spreading over your lips for the first time in days. Hanji was ecstatic and wanted to pitch in – if you were willing to accept her help.

That began the three years of collaboration between you and Hanji. Both of you dedicated yourselves to Erwin’s dream in different ways. You donated a large portion of your earnings to the Opposition party, funding their campaigns and other events. Besides that, you also worked to establish connections with high-ranking people in foreign countries, getting them to aid in any possible manner – money, publicity, etc. Hanji worked as your liaison in Ansia, hooking you up with the right people, and informing you about the state of the country. Hanji herself continued Erwin’s publicizing work and became well-known locally in Ansia. You, on the other hand, remained low profile and was referred to only as the anonymous funder. 

The three years were hard and taxing, both in terms of money and time. But you were very satisfied with your life, feeling that you were doing something worthwhile and meaningful. Meanwhile, your relationship with Hanji developed at an astonishing speed. The two of you became partners, then fast friends, and soon she was the only person you would confide in. Because the two of you shared a common love for Erwin, it deepened your bond with her. Sometimes, both of you would share memories about Erwin, laughing about his thick eyebrows or the way he sometimes fell asleep in the middle of something. That way, Erwin remained forever present in your heart.

Soon, the elections started and both of you frantically worked day and night, hoping that this time the Opposition party would win. And now, all your blood and sweat had finally paid off. It seemed like a dream come true…

The ringing of the phone brought you out of your reverie and you grabbed for the vibrating device. 

“Hel-“  
“WE WON, (F/N)!” Hanji yelled exuberantly over the phone.

“Yes, we did,” you replied, your lips curling upwards in a smile as a final tear of joy slowly trailed down your face.

 

The journey would still be long. Nobody knew whether the Opposition party would live up to its words, whether the discrimination could be so easily extinguished. Maybe we were simply exchanging the lion for the crocodile.

But all you knew was that you had fulfilled Erwin’s last wish.


End file.
